New or Old, Who Cares?

New Old Lompoc

1616 NW 23^rd Ave

Portland, OR 97210

Score: 3.5

Price Range: $$$$$

Tom: The New Old Lompoc is a long-standing Portland institution, beloved by many, but not all. Recently it has closed for construction and is planning a grand re-opening in the summer of 2013.  In my opinion, the property value increased drastically the second the wrecking ball hit.  I have visited this pub a number of times due to the number of friends who enjoy the grimy building with plumbing and electricity from the 1800’s, the epic amount of time spent waiting to order and finally, the surly wait staff.  With my jaw set, I ordered the Lompoc Burger, determined to put all of our history behind me and give a fair review.  My heart sank a bit as I realized the Lompoc Burger was nothing more than a 1/2lb patty with lettuce, tomato, red onion, and herb mayo with the chance to add cheese for $0.75 and bacon for $1.25.  If you are serving a hamburger, why do you feel the need to rename it?  Or if you are going to rename a simple hamburger wouldn’t it make sense to put your patent spin on it?  No such forward thinking was present, but I was not going to let that mar my review of the cuisine.  Well roughly 1 hour later my “Lompoc Burger” arrived with congealed, sweating cheddar cheese on a soggy mountain of overly fishy Caesar salad with 3 croutons and 1 pepperoncini.  The bacon was overcooked and somehow fibrous and the bun was uncooked and dry.  The meat however was quite good (grass fed, hormone & antibiotic free, Angus ground chuck), good work there I guess.  And finally the wait staff was surly.  If you feel like paying $10 to annoy a waitress for a couple hours to get damp food then the New Old Lompoc is the place for you!

Soggy Bottom Burger

Venue: Two 8 Two Bar & Burger

Location: 282 Atlantic Ave., Brooklyn, NY

Date of Visit: Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Burger: "Pub" Burger

Average Score: 5.9
Price Range: $$$$$

Mike: Two8Two Bar & Burger is an anomalous little establishment that rests at the nexus between childhood naiveté and the harsh realities of adulthood.  One of the key elements that link these two generations is an undying love for the hamburger.  Two8Two is one of the only places I can be seated at a table, enjoying a burger, and look to my right to find a grown man at the bar, nursing his beer; then look to my left to find a child’s birthday party and their mother nursing an infant.  But, we weren’t there to write about Two8Two’s identity crisis; we were there about a burger.

            We ordered their “Pub” Burger, which is a nine ounce hamburger with grilled onions, cheddar cheese, bacon, and two8two sauce.  As our burgers arrived at our table, I immediately noticed two very important shortcomings: it was barren of the standard accoutrements such as lettuce and tomato, and it sat atop your conventional, humdrum, supermarket special bun.  Where’s the imagination Two8Two Bar & Burger?  You’re supposed to be a burger haven; burger is in your name, enlighten me!  Though, I must praise them on the patty-to-bun ratio; it was spot-on.  Only after I gripped the burger for my first bite did I truly become aware of the difficulties this burger was going to present me with. 

            As I bit down, I could feel the grease seeping into the lower half of the bun as if it were a sponge.  But it’s a cheap sponge that can’t handle the mess you have to clean up.  It is then that I noticed my burger was over-done; but I can’t even fathom what kind of moisture levels I would have been dealing with if it were actually cooked medium rare, as ordered.  The meat and grilled onions made for a flavorful combination and the bacon provided a nice crunch to break up the monotony of the textures.  The cheese tasted like a medium cheddar and its presence was there; but, the “two8two sauce” came and went as I worked my way through the fray.  As I passed the half-way point, I thought to myself how refreshing some crisp leaves of romaine and a fresh tomato slice would improve this experience.  Returning from my thoughts, I looked down at my burger; yep, the bottom of the bun was lost, destroyed.

            Overall, the “Pub” Burger was rather ordinary.  Had I known that I had to specify to the wait staff that I wanted lettuce and tomato, the burger likely would have been better, but I can’t speculate as to what extent.  And, I’m not particularly interested in returning anytime soon to find out.

Overall Rating: 6.0

Kenneth: What’s the worst thing that could happen when eating a burger?  The bun completely disappears from your hands and you’re holding the patty in the palm of your hand.  At Two8Two Bar and Burger, I feared this with every bite as my finger became closer and closer to the patty. 

Having ventured to Two8Two before, I knew that I was unable to eat their signature burger, which is topped with roasted poblano chiles, cheddar cheese, and two8two sauce.  So I went for the “Pub” Burger, a nine ounce hamburger topped with grilled onions, cheddar cheese, bacon, and of course, the two8two sauce.  The “Pub” Burger was served open faced on a small plate without any of the average toppings. We later found out, if you want lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles you have to let the wait staff know when you order.  This disclaimer should be on the menu.  The bun appeared average in appearance and after the first bite my initial thoughts were 100% confirmed, this is an average backyard hamburger bun.  However, the size of the meat compared to the size of the bun was spot on; except, the bun could not handle the grease from this 9 oz. hamburger over the long haul.  The hamburger patty had a good flavor and it blossomed when paired with the two8two sauce.  As usual the bacon was a good addition to this burger; it added a different mixture of flavors and textures.  The bun aside, this would be a solid burger if they can figure a way to eliminate most of the grease.

            I love the onion rings and the nachos!  However, I don’t think I will order the “Pub” Burger again for some time, but I would opt for one of their smaller burgers. 

Overall Rating 6.5


Jeff:  I'm always wary of businesses that list their numbered street address as their business name. The only thing worse in my opinion are places like Video Land for movie rentals. When it came time to visit Two8Two, my stomach growled, but I remained optimistic for the sake of this visit.

         I switched things up this time and ordered their Pub Burger medium instead of medium rare. Upon arrival, the burger stood center on the plate. I understand that when a portion of fries is large enough for two or more people to share that they get their own plate, but restaurants need to consider the presentation of a single burger on a plate without garnishes; it's not pleasng to the eye.

             Upon handling my burger, I noticed that the bun was indeed toasted but was very soft, too soft. We're talking Wonder Bread refined flour soft. I wasn't expecting a bun of this type here at first, but then I gave a closer look. The atmosphere of this place made me feel like I was at a sub-standard, suburban strip mall. A little bit Red Robin, a little Chili's, with a dash of some Ikea-ish trimmed decor. The music didn't help either. In an age of Pandora and Spotify, there's no reason for a restaurant to play the equivalent of music for high wasted jeaned mothers and XL polo shirt wearing fathers, even though they were in attendance. Excuse me; I apologize for going off track. My first bite produced a lot of grease. Some people refer to grease when a burger isn't good versus juicy. What's the difference? Juice is within the patty. Yes it is produced from the cooked fat and meat of the patty but it can quickly turn to a greasy burger when the fat content of the patty is greatter than that of the meat. This was one greasy burger. Did I mention that my patty fell apart? Oh yeah, crumbled actually. How does that happen? It's not an over cooked meatloaf, its a burger.

The Two8Two sauce that’s placed on the burger is mildly prevalent at first but it faded as I ate. It really didn’t taste like anything more than a modified mayonnaise and liquid smoke concoction, with some French dressing, maybe. Had its intensity remained, it might have been nice, but I suspect the grease was too much. The bacon on this burger only compounded this grease-fest. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a juicy burger, but I just wasn’t expecting this. It sounded good on paper with the 9oz patty, cheddar, bacon and grilled onions; but, it just wasn’t coming together for me. The grilled onions were good at first but the grease of the burger consumed them, too. I nearly forgot about the cheese that was ordered with it. It definitely wasn't a sharp cheddar cheese, that's for sure. If anything, the cheddar they list must be mild or medium. Either way the cheese lacked umph.

           Overall, it's a meaty burger. The patty is thick but all of the grease overwhelmed everything else; and nothing stood out as far as flavor goes. They really should give you Bounty paper towels to eat this with. My napkin was destroyed.

Overall rating: 5.3

Screen Door to Burger Heaven

Venue: Screen Door

Location: 2337 E. Burnside St., Portland, OR

Score: 9.4
Price Range: $$$$$

Tom: One may easily find the Screen Door restaurant, located in NE Portland, by the colorful line of hungry patrons willing to stand for over an hour in the cold and wet that makes up the majority of Oregon weather, to briefly partake in the savory-sweet celebration of southern cuisine.  The Screen Door serves local and organic produce and meats everyday which is an added bit of environmental, and fiscally intelligent, flavor that tips this burger into the ranks of legend. The Screen Door’s menu is “a survey of the south, from South Carolina Low-country cuisine to soul food and Cajun one-pot cookery to the refined Creole and French preparations found in New Orleans.”  But, I was here for one item… the burger.  Some may rate it as too big, at a whopping 8” tall, and others too greasy—thank you pimiento cheese (Holy $#!† it’s good!)  But for me, the failing was the inability to capture this majesty on film.  The patty was a 10 oz. cut of Cascade Natural ground sirloin cooked to mid-rare, fresh butter lettuce, onion, a touch of mayo and a homemade pickle with the option of adding bacon, fried egg, crispy fried onions, and pimiento cheese… of which I added all culminating in a perfect blend of squish and crunch!  The two standouts to this burger were the crispy fried onions that had a wonderful pepper seasoning that helped cut the richness of the burger and the pimiento cheese (3^rd time I have mentioned this!).  For those of you readers who have never experienced pimiento cheese, I strongly recommend calling all of your local diners and dives looking for it.  This staple from the South is a blend of sharp cheddar cheese, mayonnaise, pimientos, salt, and pepper.  But chefs will typically put their spin on it, adding a variety of delicious ingredients such as cream cheese, Louisiana-style hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, cayenne pepper, paprika, jalapeños, onions, garlic, or dill pickles all blended into a mouth-watering chunky golden paste.  If you find yourself in the NE Burnside neighborhood of Portland, make sure to plan a few extra hours for a delectable trip to scrumptious paradise.

Dubuque

Venue: Dubuque (CLOSED)

Location: 548 Court St., Brooklyn, NY

Date of Visit: Thursday, March 8, 2012

Burger: Beef Burger

Average Score: 7.7
Price Range: $$$$$

Mike: Dubuque is a quaint little establishment in the Carroll Gardens neighborhood of Brooklyn that serves up a unique array of conventional and specialty burgers alike. Though I am interested in trying some of their more inspired burgers, such as the spiced lamb, cod/scallop, lentil/barley, or any one of their stuffed burgers, I was there for a traditional beef burger. At Dubuque, this consists of a beef patty with shredded iceberg lettuce, tomato, and tangy dressing on a toasted bun. For a dollar more, I added blue cheese to the party; what can I say, I like blue cheese. The burger is also served with a shot of coleslaw and a hot pickle spear.

I was pleased to find that my burger was prepared as ordered, a perfect medium rare; a competent chef is a real confidence booster. Both the size and consistency of the patty was spot on; though, I felt the flavor could have had a bit more presence. The bun was aptly proportionate to the patty and was toasted well to maintain stability and keep the juices at bay. The flavor of the bun wasn’t much to brag about, but at least it was fresh. Speaking of freshness, on to the toppings, tangy dressing, tomato, and…iceberg lettuce! Are you serious? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again; one who prides themselves for their burgers should never top them with iceberg lettuce. It’s like wearing crocs with a tuxedo, you just don’t do it. The tomato was fine but the tangy dressing was virtually nonexistent. I could see the small amount that was there, but I definitely didn’t taste it. Then again, I’m surprised I was able to taste anything other than blue cheese with the amount of it they put on this thing. Like I said, I like blue cheese, but moderation is the key; a little bit goes a long way. As for the pickle and slaw, the pickle was indeed spicy, which I found misplaced, and the slaw was not worthy of mentioning.

All things considered, I’m sure this burger would have fared much better without the copious amount of blue cheese. As a side note, I ordered the fries with my burger, which I found them to be near, if not, perfect. They were crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside, with just the right amount of salt. The serving size was appropriate, as well; not too modest, but not the gluttonous ‘merican serving that most often accompanies a burger. I’m looking forward to returning to sample some of their other burgers; and now I know not to mess with their formula by adding blue cheese.

Overall Rating: 6.8

Kenneth: Venturing to Dubuque was my first time walking this deeply into Carroll Gardens; and there were a lot of interesting shops and boutiques before arriving. Dubuque is a small venue equipped with a little bar with four or five taps of different craft beers paired with an interesting selection of burgers, such as the spiced lamb burger, the cod and scallop burger, a beef burger stuffed with truffled mushrooms duxelle, a beef burger stuffed with basil pesto, and a few others. But, today I selected their standard beef burger. The beef burger comes with shredded iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, and a tangy dressing on the patty as well as a few pieces of lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, and a spiced pickle on the side. For an extra dollar each, you can get cheese and/or apple wood smoked bacon.

Down to the burger! I ordered the meat medium, and it was lightly charred, juicy, and flavorful despite all the toppings. The spices on the meat paired with how it was prepared made it the shining star of this burger. The bun was purely in support of the meat. It added just enough flavors not to overpower the patty, and its being lightly toasted helped hold the patty beautifully between its two halves. The tangy sauce was bland and seemed to be mixed with the shredded lettuce during the burger construction, which did not add to nor take away from the burger. I did choose to add both cheddar cheese and the apple wood bacon, which paired well with the tangy sauce. Normally, bacon adds a lot of flavor to the burger; but, in this case it was just added texture to the burger. Overall, the burger was simple but packed with a lot of flavor, making this a must try burger. This burger doesn’t come with any sides, but I would suggest the hand cut fries or the roasted brussel sprouts. Let’s not forget the spiced pickle; wonderful when paired with the tangy sauce on the burger.

Overall Rating: 8.0

Jeff: This is probably the best home-style burger I’ve had in a restaurant. In the past, home-style meant cheap buns, iceberg lettuce, thin tomatoes, thin patty, and American cheese. This is like a home burger but made with care and adoration. The shredded iceberg lettuce isn't a negative as with a lot of places. I ordered it medium rare with the apple wood bacon and sharp cheddar cheese. I was the only diner there aside from a mother and child, so there was a nice quietness while I waited. It’s not a large space but seeing as it just opened, I sat at a table up front. It was nice to hear the fries being cooked to order and the meat being grilled. Those sounds go well when one is nursing a beer.

The arrival of my order presented a pretty sight. A well proportioned patty and bun with no overhang. The bun was toasted both on the top and bottom. Very nice! This treatment set the bun on a bit of a pedestal, like it was fine baked bread. You’d be surprised how much a properly toasted bun can go when supporting a burger. This has just enough firmness without being toast, yet still soft and “bun” like on the inside. It held up well, and only on the last bite did the bottom bun give in to the juice of the patty. Speaking of which, coming here again, I think I’d order the burger medium. It’s not that the burger wasn’t cooked a nice medium rare, but I feel having it served medium would be more complimentary to the texture of the bacon.

The apple wood bacon completely covered the patty by the folding and layering; that was nice. There were no annoying parts of bacon jutting out from the side of the burger; everything was contained. Did I mention that the sharp cheddar cheese was melted and completely covered the apple wood bacon as well? Well it did, and it was good. If you order cheddar for a burger, make sure it’s sharp, especially if bacon is present. The two just go well together. The tangy sauce on the burger wasn’t over powering and could be nothing more than Thousand Island dressing or liquid smoke with some additional things, but I'm not complaining, and I doubt you would either.

Three quarters of the way through and I’m feeling as though I should've ordered the burger medium; I think their patty calls for it. Not that it's too thick to be medium rare, but I think being prepared medium would compliment the texture of the bacon and cheese toppings even better.

In closing, Dubuque’s Beef burger takes the home-style burger concept and elevates it to a point that others seriously need to reach.

Overall Rating: 8.2

Sustainaburger

Venue: Burger on Smith

Location: 209 Smith St., Brooklyn, NY

Date of Visit: Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Burger: The Friday Night

Average Score: 7.3
Price Range: $$$$$

Mike: It seems like there are new burger restaurants opening up all over the place these days. So, this week, the Burgerler visited one of these new establishments in the Cobble Hill neighborhood of Brooklyn, Burger on Smith. They use a “secret” blend of grass-fed beef, which is bought from a nearby butcher and ground fresh daily. As a matter of fact, most of the items on the menu are local, organic, and made in house. Since opening their doors in January, the place has received a wealth of praise; however, one might have thought the contrary when we stopped in, as the place was virtually empty. Perhaps the vacancy can be attributed to how new the place is.

Of the dozen or so burgers on the menu, we chose to order “The Friday Night,” which is a beef burger topped with a fried egg, caramelized onions, oven roasted tomato, arugula, and truffle vinaigrette. All of this comes stacked on a toasted “house bun,” which, at first glance, appears to be a sesame seed bun; but I think it might have been sour dough with sesame seeds. Though I ordered my burger medium rare, it was served medium. Being grass-fed beef, this was unfortunate; but, the meat was still relatively juicy and flavorful, which was most likely thanks to the cast-iron griddle the thing was prepared on. The house bun was delicious and held up pretty well throughout, considering the array of toppings.

The toppings were what really made this burger shine. The creaminess of the egg yolk compensated for any dryness that may have occurred from overcooking the patty. The caramelized onions seemed hidden at first, but once revealed, provided a nice accent of flavor. I just wish they were spread evenly across the burger. If I were to choose the award for best supporting role, it would undoubtedly go to the flavor-packed oven roasted tomatoes. They were the highlight of the burger in my opinion. The arugula with truffle vinaigrette added a bitter-sweet flavor to round out the overall flavor profile of the burger. I should also mention that this burger came with a pickle spear and a side of coleslaw. The coleslaw wasn’t much to write home about, but the pickle was supreme. I ate mine half way through the burger, which was a nice respite before finishing the sandwich. A second, post-burger pickle would have been refreshing. If the pickle was sliced, they might have gone well on the burger itself.

Overall, The Friday Night was a decent burger; though, the patty could have been a bit larger for the money. Furthermore, the thing comes out on 15” pizza tray, making it seem even smaller. I am definitely interested in returning to try some of their other unique concoctions, like “The Left Coast,” which comes with Gruyere and avocado. Also, if you want fries, they’ll cost you extra; and you better not be alone. The amount of fries they serve you could probably feed three; and as a warning, drink plenty of water, because those things are salty!

Overall Rating: 7.0

Kenneth: Wait, I thought this was a sushi place! Guess they changed their menu and left most of the decor, especially the giant mosaic of Mao and monkeys hanging from the chandeliers. This decor fits with their playful burger names such as the Trademark, the Left Coast, the Double Slap, the First Date, and the one we choose was the Friday Night. This beef burger is topped with fried egg, caramelized onions, oven roasted tomatoes, arugula, and truffle vinaigrette on a house bun, which turned out to be messy. I think it was the fried egg’s fault that the burger started slipping and sliding; but the egg was a good addition to the patty. The patty was cooked perfectly medium, but the meat itself was not very flavorful. Everything else makes this burger; the bun was delicious, the topping were awesome, and though the oven roasted tomato was strange it added a unique flavor. The size of the burger was smaller than I imaged a fourteen dollar burger that doesn’t come with fries would be, which left me wishing I had a mini burger to fill the void. Instead of another burger we tried their plain fries and spiced fries which were good but not something to write home about. However, my favorite side was the spiced pickle, slamming! I plan on returning soon to try the Double Slap, which sounds like a fun thing to say to the waiter. Can I have a Double Slap?

Overall Rating 6.6

Jeff: The toppings for the “Friday Night” burger are rather unique for a burger joint. I say joint because so many appear to be opening, it’s like burgers are the new cupcake for New York. The Friday Night is prepared with oven-roasted tomatoes, truffle oil, arugula, with a spiced pickle on the side. I ordered my burger the usual medium rare, but without cheese or bacon. The burger looked fine enough when it arrived, but as we know by now, looks can be deceiving. The sunny-side up egg was cooked to perfection; no brown or burnt edges and the yolk ran smoothly when poked with my fork. I find that pre-poking an egg with something prior to consuming often alleviates the yolk from gushing everywhere and having it end up where you want it least. The only caveat being on your plate when you then use the last bite of your burger to sop up the egg yolk goodness. Yes, I used the term sop.

My first bite resulted in a hmmm. My second bite resulted in a hmmm and a contemplation. The caramelized onions didn’t have much flavor, maybe a need for cheese, the roasted tomatoes may be overpowered by the arugula, and the patty is prepared to a perfect medium rare. Oh, but wait; the roasted tomato flavor is there! It subtly sneaks up after a few chews. I take a bite of the pickle spear and my oh my. Yeah, we might have a winner here! These might be the best pickle spears I've had so far. The spiciness is balanced with the vinegar, and now I fully understand the purpose of the pickle spear. A bite of the burger and a bite of the pickle results in a contrast, a complement, a treat caused by the union of the multiple flavors residing on your mouth’s palette. Next time I just might ask for a side of the pickles, they're that good. The beef of this patty isn’t seasoned as far as I can tell, and that's a good thing because the flavor of this patty is pretty good. It tastes like beef, yet allows the other toppings to enhance it without covering it up as some places can do with their special sauces. I really found myself enjoying the nuances of this burger’s making.

We had two types of fries accompany our burgers. Take note that the portions are huge, so the three of us could have gotten by sharing one. Also, take note that I've forgotten which fries we ordered. Do you know why? Their fries are very salty. Not the kind of salty that makes you want to drink more so you can eat more; the kind that are just plain ol' salty with a capital S.

Fries aside, the Friday Night truly is the star of the show, with the arugula, roasted tomatoes, and truffle oil being a welcomed update that made me wish I would have had mine with a syrah or rioja.

Overall rating: 8.3